for 20 seconds—humming “Happy Birthday” to yourself. Then, you smile at each other, or, your heart starts pounding so hard that you don’t know what to do.
“In New York and some of the other hot spots, [people have] gone through significant trauma,” Rachael Robnett, Ph.D., an associate professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, tells SELF. “So…in addition to the adjustment period between just the two of you, there's still all of this other stuff that you're trying to cope with.” This makes sense. That dissociated feeling I had is a common response to. After all, this wasn’t an ordinary reunion. We weren’t on an extended vacation.
During this time, Gaby and her partner were fighting more often, but Gaby says she knew the added tensions weren’t signs of. Eventually, Mal drove five days to see Gaby in California. “When I saw [Mal], I was just so relieved and so happy. I kissed them through their window before they even had time to open the door. I maintained hope the entire time that even though it was hard being apart, as soon as we were together again and could figure out this whole pandemic … we'd be okay again.
Robnett points out that world-changing events like a pandemic can shift your worldview, [and] your perceptions of yourself. "[Your] identity might shift in fundamental ways," she says. "So it's certainly possible that some people, who are quarantining separately, might come back together and realize that their partner… or their dynamic is a little bit different than it was when they were together pre-pandemic.
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