and skills to ask. Basic behavioral psychology tells us that behaviors that are rewarded increase, and those that are ignored or punished will decrease. I want my child to ask directly for what she wants, so I reward it.
If you say"no" because you can't be bothered, the request is slightly inconvenient or messy, or it seems like a strange idea, then"no" is more confusing.When I say,"No, you can't play with that child at the playground because they're not wearing a mask," my child knows there's a good reason. She often asks me if I can do an activity with her when I'm needing to get something else done, like working. So, sometimes I'll look for how to do a quick version of what she wants. For example, yesterday she asked if she could do a new experiment out of a book of STEAM experiments. I didn't have the time and energy to do a new one, so I offered her the choice of redoing several we'd done before that I knew were quick to set up.
When you make these types of promises, follow through. When you teach your kids that you're reliable, they learn delayed gratification. Most importantly, even if you think they forgot about it, you need to remember and follow through. Delayed gratification is such an important skill for life and health, and kids learn it from having reliable parents.If kids expect their parents to say no, they're more likely to sneak. When they sneak, you can't shepherd them into good choices.
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