ROCKPORT, IN—Revealing that the latest addition to the presidential race had totally upended the 2020 election, a national poll conducted Monday found that President Donald Trump, as well as every single Democratic candidate, were now trailing a mysterious rune-covered Obelisk by 8The newest numbers, which come from Emerson College, found that the 200-foot tall pillar, which reportedly has cryptic, glowing symbols engraved onto its surface, is now dominating among Democrats, Republicans, and...
According to pollsters, out of the 500 rural Indiana residents surveyed, over 99% pledged total obedience to the infallible Obelisk. In addition, respondents said that they felt confident about the future after gazing upon the constantly shifting runes emblazoned on the monolith. When asked if they would consider voting for a candidate other than the Obelisk, those surveyed were either heard screaming in pain or answered, “The Obelisk is all; we are the Obelisk.
“When I felt the rumble beneath me and saw a white-hot, screaming Obelisk suddenly appear out of thin air, I knew that was the candidate for me,” said Iowa voter Aaron Yalder, 49, adding that while he had been undecided for months, the Obelisk blinded him and commanded him to drop all other political allegiances. “Sure, I like that Sanders supports the United Steelworkers Union. And I like that Trump is tough on crime.
Obelisk got my vote when it vaporized Klobuchar.
Vincent Price's Thrilled. Against TrumpsCult 😨
Obelisk Soundtrack Campaign 😉
'Avoid the end of American civilization', said us the Obelisk. We are thrilled.
'No actions until this moment. I am here for CloseTheCamps and avoid the end of American civilization', said us the Obelisk 2020.
🤣🤣🤣
Obelisk Gang
freedompimp2012 I would die for the obelisk
HaveMe_Pineda steel ball run
I’m holding out for the inanimate carbon rod.
VOTE FOR THE S T Ö N E
If it involves Stanley Kubrick and a compelling symphony orchestra, it has my vote.
He can't stop, until he learns to pronounce it.
All hail the Monolith!
. 'Ive decided to enter the race on the 'Pen and Paper Ballot Voting Party'
At least the Obelisk’s tweets aren’t mind-numbingly stupid
It sure would be nice if another Washington outsider Obelisk appears in Kentucky to run against McConnell for his Senate seat.
obelisk2020
F*ck me. I can recognize when I’ve been bested. This is it. You have my vote, obelisk
NightValeRadio THE GREAT STONE SPIRE
I’ve played enough Dead Space to know where this is going
Oh man.
Obelisk the Tormentor
I prefer the Brown Stone Spire.
MUST...WRITE-IN.......OBELISK
I’m putting my support behind the monolith from 2001
I think if you poll the rune-covered obelisk against Gritty, your results will be very different.
It has a good point.
Obelisk is Proto-Sumerian for Penis.
Just wait til they dig up all of Obelisk’s old tweets from his teenage years.
Pointy Rock 2020!
I am definitely on Team Obelisk at this point
This sounds like a plot line from NightValeRadio
We found the real presidential candidate. Let’s get Obelisk2020 trending bois.
I’d vote for the Obelisk.
Damn you, Obelisk! You're just a spoiler candidate, drawing off crucial support for this damp lump of clay that I entered into the race! You won't get away with this! DampLumpOfClay2020 DampLumpOfClayOrBust
don't blame me, I voted for Obelisk
its got my vote
Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Cthulu 2020!
'Finally mother can afford to buy a 'real' mirror'
If Deez Nuts can get 9% of North Carolina; Obelisk can go all the way.
I'd vote for it
Does it give off an energy or feeling while around it, possibly something you can hear? What was the Obelisk's past, how long has it been in that place, or can it travel the nation/world spreading it's mysteriousness?
That's DC in 2028
It’s definitely bigger than Trump.
I for one welcome our new Lizard overlords. MondayMotivation MondayThoughts MondayFeeling Resist
A L L H A I L T H E G R E A T O N E O F S T O N E
Obelisk 2020!!
hmm..... what are it's policies?
Party: Libertarian
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