and safe whilst being autonomous in our own behaviours and decisions. It starves us of a willingness to pursue our own interests. Being in an enmeshed relationship will inevitably result in emotion dysregulation and an impaired ability to cope with and tolerate distress.
“Perhaps you want more time apart that feels comfortable without having to explain yourself, to be able to clearly ask for what you want without upsetting your partner or to accept, and respect, each other's differing opinions and still feel secure in your own,” Tami suggests.
“Figuring out who you are, independently of this other person, is key to rectifying a relationship of enmeshment,” she adds. “It can be scary, especially if you have been involved in an enmeshed relationship for a long time, but it is doable - especially with support - and so worthwhile.” If you are in an enmeshed relationship and feel unable, or unsafe, to remove yourself from it, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you are unable to call, visit
and fill in an online form. You can also find a range of support from Women’s Aid and Refuge, who operate a 24 hour helpline.
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