What I learned from going into lockdown with my grandad who has dementia

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'We had a routine: a coffee in the morning sun, followed by an afternoon walk and settling down together to watch reruns of Downton Abbey'

With dementia, you never know what kind of day you’re going to wake up to. Add in a global pandemic and suddenly, nothing is certain anymore.

Due to coronavirus, these services were due to be withdrawn because they weren’t classed as essential. Unfortunately, he also had a fall sometime in the night and wasn’t found until the next morning by his cleaner. Despite this, I was not totally alone. My grandad – whose own world had been tipped on its head and moved 400 miles south – was also scrambling to find a new routine in the circumstances. Every morning, he spent four hours getting dressed.This is because one of the side-effects of dementia is an increase in OCD behaviours. It is said to be the brain’s way of coping with a lack of control – to compulsively check the most immediate memories they have stored.

Seeing him work so hard to adjust, I began to look into ways to help him settle into his new life. Dementia UK was an extremely helpful resource – suggesting introducing new elements into the person’s routine and involving them along the way to help them gain some of their confidence back.We’d cook together and before long, Grandad was soon promoted to sous-chef and was taste testing, Yorkshire-inspired beer battered fish and chips, and my many, many attempts at banana bread.

We began to work cohesively as a family unit; supporting, listening and becoming each other’s anchors and allies, in a place where control was lost with every new day we gained.

 

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