“This is what it’s really like to live with an ex”

My ex and I were already living in a house share when we signed a rental contract with mutual friends. Two months before we were due to move in to the new house,. It wasn’t an easy decision – I’d mulled over whether we could stay together for the year, at least for the sake of our friends. Eventually we separated, but as we’d already signed the contract for a year and the deposits were paid, we had no choice but to continue living together.

“He was my best friend and, in any other situation, he would be the person I would turn to when upset. When they’re there, it’s hard to distance yourself.” Louise’s situation became more complex when the post-break up boundaries became blurred: “We’d go from broken up to still sleeping together but with no strings attached, to being just friends with occasional benefits… it was so hard to label things and it got so complicated.

While my ex and I had to become platonic quickly, I was surprised at how easily we slipped back into old habits. It’s the familiarity and security of a person who knows – or knew – you at your best and, inevitably, your worst. One night I remember feeling physically ill, anxious and on the verge of a panic attack – a gut-punch of emotions. I just needed my ex by my side that night, a safe presence in a world of uncertainty.

“While my ex and I became good friends, it was never easy; learning not to use them as an emotional crutch, the bickering, the limitations if either of us wanted to move on to a new relationship”

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