The dark lesson Netflix’s You teaches us about our favourite romcoms

, who not only obsesses over his kid sister’s best friend for years, but goes on to sabotage her career, prevent her from receiving any messages from men who fancy her, and lie to her about securing an annulment after she begs him to undo their drunken mistake of a wedding.

The list goes on, forever and ever. Perhaps the most damning example of toxic romantic behaviour, though, is the most unexpected.You've Got Mail is a much-loved classic, but it has its own host of problems. Just like You’s Joe, the love interest of the popular film uses the internet to learn everything there is to know about the woman of his dreams. He asks insightful questions, learns her daily routine and key details about her, such as the fact that her favourite flowers are daisies, and then uses them to make himself seem more like her type on paper. He accidentally-on-purpose runs into her as she goes about her day-to-day life.

In doing so, our favourite romcom boyfriends have taught men that behaviour of this kind is somehow acceptable. That women, in turn, should accept it as normal. And thus’s Joe was created via a thousand tiny increments. He is not the problem to be dealt with; rather, he is indicative of a much wider problem in the world of film and TV. He is, I stress once again for those in the back, the natural evolution of all the romcom heroes we’ve met before.

You season 3 may see our lead’s circumstances changed, but fatherhood doesn’t seem to have changed Joe one bit.

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