“I felt left behind”: the loneliness of friends being at different life stages to you

It’s normal for friendships to evolve as we age and our priorities shift, but it can also drive a wedge between us and those we love.Instead of sparking joy, this jubilant news shared by my close friends earlier this year made my heart sink. While I care deeply about my friends and their happiness, they’re also the latest in a string of loved ones who are starting families, leaving the city and making children the centre of their lives.

The situation came to a head after a boozy night together. “Sara flipped out at me and started crying,” says Wei. “She said that she felt left behind and like ‘little life’ in Manchester couldn’t compete with my life in London. Life in London was fun, but Sara’s friendship meant the world to me.” While the exchange was awkward, both women were glad it happened. “It enabled us to reaffirm how much we meant to each other.

Friendships that have once been a major source of support and strength can change dramatically overnight. “Everything immediately becomes about them and their baby, and I understand why that is, but it changes your relationship,” adds Lily. “I’m always expected to go to them, which makes me feel like their time is more precious than mine. I’m expected to meet them at the play park, where they’re completely distracted by their child.

If you are struggling with changing dynamics in a relationship, you can start by making a distinction between what you’re feeling and what is actually happening, says Rose. “What might have happened is that a friend has stopped texting you as often to meet for coffee or night outs, leaving you feeling hurt and sad.

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