. This is when the panic and realisation that this was my birth experience set in, and I really started to struggle. I felt so alone. The doctors then offered me an epidural, but I wanted to experience labour, so I refused.I found it hard to communicate with the doctors because I was so angry and upset. They were also sharing that they hadn’t seen their family for a month, so I felt their pain too. I had my husband on the iPad watching which kept falling down, so it was very stressful.
I was 1cm when my waters broke and after 6 hours on the gas and air, I was only 2cm dilated. After this, I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore so had an epidural. That got me through the night.
By this point, I was shattered, and baby was showing signs of distress. I’d done 72 hours with very little sleep and I also had anxiety because of covid. I was also worried about him. I didn’t know if he had covid symptoms so I didn’t know what would happen to him once he’d been delivered, could I nurse him? Could I have him in our room?. I was so exhausted by this point; I knew I couldn’t push at the end. So, I decided to have the caesarean.
When I first met Sullivan, I was just so relieved that he was healthy and that he wasn’t showing any signs of covid. He started screaming his head off, he was strong, and he was a good size. He was perfect, looking around wanting cuddles. I had to wear a mask, but we were allowed skin on skin contact.During the c-section, I lost too much blood, so the 40-minute c-section actually ended up taking 2 and half hours.
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