Belinda Luscombe is an editor at large at TIME, where she has covered a wide swath of topics, but specializes in interviews, profiles, and essays. In 2010, she won the Council on Contemporary Families Media Award for her stories on the ways marriage is changing. She is also author oft has been, it's safe to say, an epic few years for close observers of the Smith family.
There are many reasons people separate but don't divorce."It's hard, emotionally, for people to get divorced," says matrimonial lawyer Paul Talbert."It's harder than just saying we're going to separate and try this out." So many issues have to be resolved, including how to organize the finances, the children's lives, and what to do with such emotionally laden assets as the family home.
But for most people who are unclear as to whether they should renovate or demolish their partnership, the reasons are at least partly emotional."Usually when a marriage is stranded between marriage and divorce, it's about the attachment," says therapist and co-author ofAmy Begel."If it's a real marriage, there's huge attachment.
In his practice, Stosny gets people to do an exercise where they answer questions about their future. Who would be the person with whom they'd most want to share their joys, their failures, their last hours? Is it their partner, someone else, or nobody? And what are they prepared to do to find or create that kind of relationship?
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