It's at best unhelpful, and at worst toxic. That's why Genevieve Roberts is letting goLast week, when my eldest daughter Astrid was off school coughing and my husband Mark was home recovering from pneumonia, I went out for a massage. I enjoyed every one of the 90 minutes it lasted. In times gone by, I’d have either cancelled, putting my family first, or gone ahead, feeling I was letting others down by prioritising myself.
Despite observing the cycle – and how utterly unhelpful it was to us all – I felt powerless to change it, believing regular sleep, unattainable with three small children, the only remedy.This continued until January, when Mark became unwell. We usually split parenting chores not according to our strengths, but more by avoiding weaknesses: Mark takes the majority of laundry; I do the lion’s share of night wakes. But he was in bed for weeks with a 40C temperature.
Leila Green, mother of 19-month-old triplets, learned quickly that guilt had no place when her children were born. “I’d hear a Mexican wave of crying, as soon as I sorted one, another started. I was exhausted – dangerously so – worried I’d drop a baby or give one the wrong medicine,” she remembers. “So I had to accept that I could only do my best. Me feeling bad wouldn’t give extra capacity, I was just in the same situation feeling worse.
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