Hollyoaks' Joe Tracini on his childhood sexual abuse and six suicide attempts

Joe Tracini is an actor, a magician and a best-selling author. He also thinks about ending his life. All the time. In his new Channel 4 documentary Me And The Voice In My Head, the former Hollyoaks actor reveals his continuing struggle with borderline personality disorder since he was diagnosed 10 years ago and how he’s tried to take his own life six times.

In the documentary he tearfully recalls the abuse, shaking with horror at his ordeal perpetrated by an unnamed man. Until he started filming the documentary, Joe had never told anyone about the abuse. “On the film you are watching me saying that out loud for the first time,” says Joe, with tears in his eyes. “I’m sick of being the only person who knows that that happened but also, it’s terrifying.

On the show, Joe, who is also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, says, “The things I’ve done I feel are entirely being driven by an eight-year-old who is really p****d off. I didn’t think exploring my childhood was going to help, but it feels like it has. I’ve got a long way to go but by starting to open up, I’m starting to realise that the way I am and the way I feel is not my fault.”

Joe is in a new relationship now with his girlfriend Holly Houseman, who he’s been with for four years after meeting her while performing in a pantomime. It’s not easy and the pair have therapy to try to keep their relationship running smoothly. While Holly says of Joe, “He’s really caring, loving – the most selfless person I’ve ever met really,” Joe doesn’t feel the same way about himself.

In the documentary, it’s clear Joe has a lot of support from his mum Debbie, as well as his dad. He also has support from an unexpected source – Dawn French. I got a waterproof extension out of the conservatory and I stayed in there with a TV and a VHS watching The Vicar Of Dibley.”

The Voice Documentary

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