today was a hellish experience. Not because the torrential rain caused my not-quite-leather boots to change colour, my sodden trousers to stick to my legs, and my morning train to chug into view some 18 minutes later than specified. All of that I could handle .
Worse still? Freedom was tauntingly close – about three coffee-shop awnings away, in fact. I could see it. I could see people walking at actual human speed, without a care in the world, andWhy? Because every single person around me was clutching an obnoxiously outsized golfing umbrella, of course. They take up unnecessary room on buses and trains, too – and don’t even get me started on those people who feel the need to shake their golf umbrellas dry in public. It’s as if a sodden marquee has suddenly come to life and pulled that wet dog trick, and it’s ruined my day more times than I care to say.And all of that is at best. At worst, golf umbrellas are unintentional weapons, seemingly designed to knock people over, scalp unsuspecting bystanders, and take people’s eyes out.
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