Forget about finding that ‘spark’: why new relationships need time to unfold

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In a new post on Instagram, psychotherapist Alyssa Mancao explains why new relationships are not always about finding an instant spark; instead, they’re formed over time and via a deeper sense of connection.

, with researchers defining it as two people being “highly synchronous and attuned during a date” in terms of body language and social cues. When this happens, “their mutual romantic and sexual interest are high as well”, the paper’s authors said.However Mancao argues that we shouldn’t have to force that feeling, nor should we panic if it doesn’t surface when first meeting someone new.

It would take a brave soul indeed to try this on a first date . But the point is, whatever pop culture tells us, great relationships of any kind – romantic and beyond – are not necessarily built on instant chemistry. Instead, mutual trust and vulnerability are the key to slowly getting to know one another, and developing that sense of closeness may take longer than you think.

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