to watch a movie—on my way home to celebrate my mom’s 57th birthday. While Sophie and Calum are in Turkey, Calum turns 31. He tells a diving instructor he’s surprised he made it to 30, and doesn’t expect to make it to 40., alongside the glittering Mediterranean. The night I arrived in Chicago this past month, I came home from a date and my mom had had too much to drink, gone to where I could not follow, eerily reminiscent of another scene from the movie.
If you ask my friends from home, who refer to my mom as “Mama Z,” she is a loving, doting mother figure, always making sure everyone had enough to eat. To them, she is cheerful and bright. To me, she is, too—I just understand now the complexities behind that. Over the years—and especially during peak pandemic, when the two of us shared a small home—we’ve navigated our depression together, making it slightly less lonely but also infinitely more so. Neither of us want to admit to the other—my only mother, her only child—that it feels like our bones don’t work. We, like Calum, yo-yo through life, oscillating between the inability to get out of bed and forcing ourselves up, determined to start fresh.
“Well, like, sometimes at playtime, I look up to the sky,” Sophie replies. “And if I can see the sun, then I think about the fact that we can both see the sun. So, even if we’re not actually in the same place, and we’re not actually together, we kind of are in a way, you know? Like, we’re both underneath the same sky, so we’re kind of together.”
My mom and I are always kind of together, bound by the same sky, the same inexplicable sadness, and the same chipper tenacity. I know what I see in the hotel bathroom mirror, but I hope she looks into her own eyes and sees mine, full ofIf you or someone you know may be contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.
Source: Entertainment Trends (entertainmenttrends.net)
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