Go ahead, delete everyone in your phone with the last name Hinge for a sweet release.
Some Dans and Daniels. One Danny. A multitude of Ians. Zachs with an H and Zacks with a K. All these men have lived in my phone contacts, unceremoniously IDed with the last name “Hinge” like ear tags on cattle monitored for progress. There’s been a Bob, a few Joes, a smothering of Daves and Davids. An assortment of Jakes. An Andrew whose last name I mistyped as “Honge” and didn’t bother fixing. Joshes. Nicks. Mikes. Jeffs. All within a five-mile radius of my apartment.
After several months of treating dating less like a treasure hunt and more like an intramural sport, I went through my contacts and erased everyone whose last name was Hinge. It was a short list — I’m prone to deleting in real time — but recently, my fastidious record keeping had grown as lax as my standards.
“How was your vacation?” I had texted an emerging comedian who I’d gotten drunk with a few weeks prior. We had already agreed to go out again, in part because he had promised me an orgasm in exchange for a business idea I had given him.In my early 20s, I was as precious about who I let into my contacts as who I slept with. A man was a set of 10 digits until I was confident that they were here to stay. It was an honor to earn and limited to a select few at any given time.
As with everything, I talked this over with my therapist. Only a few years older than I am, she had recently become engaged to the man whose apartment had been her Zoom background since the early days of the pandemic. She said that she too would tag her prospects with their dating app of origin and that for a time, her fiancé had OKC tacked onto his first name so she could recognize him as one of the competitors on her bracket. But once she knew he was a keeper, she removed the OKC.
He never removed it. On the day they get married, they’ll become husband and the girl from OkCupid who outshone the rest.So make the contacts. Delete the scum. You have unlimited data.
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