Dear Thelma: I'm struggling with med school, family issues and depression

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Don't keep it all in.

In high school, I was one of the class toppers and then I chose to pursue medicine, under the influence of my parents, as I did not have any idea about the future. And that is where the heartbreak began.

I also can't cope with the double-standard treatment from my parents and family members. Just because I am a girl does not mean that I should be treated as someone who will just abandon the family after getting married. That is just plain stupid and old-fashioned thinking.I'm sorry you're having a bad time. There are three issues: your depression, your unhappiness with your course, and your relationship with your family, especially your mum.

Sadly, many double down and move into emotional blackmail, using fear, obligation and guilt to try and get their own way. It comes from entitlement, the idea that they can be rude, just because they're older.If you have never had a good relationship, then consider distance as your friend. When there is no foundation, and no hope for change, the only thing to do is to disengage as much as possible.

Accept that her scolding might come from concern, but she has to learn to express herself appropriately. I assume she has manners when she talks to her friends; she needs to learn to treat you with the same respect. Second, the course. You don't say exactly how your results disappoint you. Are you passing but not at the top of your class? Or have you decided you don't want to be a doctor?

Don't make decisions in a hurry. Think it all over, model conversations and options with the counsellors, and only make decisions when you feel comfortable with the outcomes.

 

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