Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha goes, ‘You had an erotic dream

So I’m in the cor with Sorcha and we’re on the way to Clonskeagh to collect Brian, Johnny and Leo from school. Yeah, no, they’re finishing up today and we’re bringing them out for lunch to say fair focks to them for going another year without being expelled. Like most south Dublin parents, we set a very low bor for our children.

I’m like, “What? Are you shitting me?” and it’s like she’s said she’s taken up pole dancing lessons and set up an Only Fans account.‘I want it gone, Ross. I want you to get it lasered off’ She turns into the school grounds and – yeah, no – there they are – the Gruesome Twosome, as I call them.doesn’t even acknowledge me. Hates me with a passion and has from day one. Sorcha’s old dear gives her a big kiss on each cheek – it’s like,I’m there, “Good – just so we all know where we stand.”Sorcha goes, “He had a dream last night – about Mom.”Her old dear goes, “Oh! Oh my!” and I can tell that, despite the shock, she’s a little bit flattered.

“One of the boys – it was Leo – said something inappropriate to Ms Kremens on the hockey pitch. He called her Hot Stuff.”Her old man’s there, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!”Mr Schwarzenbeck goes, “We do not encourage the children to speak to the staff in this way. It is not appropriate.”

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