Opinion: My wife died nine months ago. In grief, I look to her for guidance

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My wife died nine months ago. In grief, I look to her for guidance GlobeDebate

Not One of These Poems Is About You

Having this book and seeing Teva’s talent manifested punctuates her absence, but she knew that this book would speak for her when she couldn’t. She also hoped that the way she lived her life and made her art could be an example of how to face questions of mortality and live with purpose., a poem in her new collection, she writes about grieving for the women she had met after her diagnosis who also had metastatic cancer.

Grief manifests like an injury. It needs rehab in the form of therapy or medication or self-care or the simple passage of time, but it doesn’t necessarily heal. There is no cure. The absence left by the loss of a loved one lingers, and becomes something to accommodate. I’m having to strengthen the rest of myself to work around my injured heart. It may lessen with time, but the hole remains.

The truth of Teva’s life and writing has compelled me to be honest about the gravity of grief and the challenges of navigating it. It’s forced me to be ruthlessly honest with myself. Grief is like unrequited love – it all goes out, with none coming back to you – but the lessons she shares in the pages of her books may yet help put me back together.

 

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