You can’t order hot chocolate as an adult, and other unspoken coffee rules

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Your daily beverage sends a message about who you are as a person, and it can’t be: “I want a cute sweet treat in a cup.”

One of the great joys of working in an office is leaving the office and getting coffee with a colleague. It’s a moment of tiny protest, a reminder that your time is still yours , and proof that you can still do whatever you please, whenever you please.

Ordering a long black doesn’t make you a good person, but having a hot chocolate does make you a bad person.After ordering my regular normal person drink, a large soy flat white, I asked what they’d like, to which they replied: “Can I get a hot chocolate?” Can you? Yes. Should you? Absolutely not. Admittedly, a mocha would have been a slight improvement, but even then, it’s an order that tells the world you are not a serious person. If hot chocolate is for children, mocha is the drink of choice for teens, what you order when you’re not prepared to confront the bitterness of real life, or real coffee.I appreciate that, to some people, this ranking system may sound insane, but Australian coffee culture is celebrated globally because we don’t value gimmicks.

 

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