Since early 2020 and the beginning of COVID-19, there has come a moment in everyone’s life when they’ve wondered about the big issues. Will I die of COVID? Will I kill my loved ones before lockdown ends and be tried for murder? And if I do, who will visit me in jail? Which is really another way of saying: do I still have any friends?
A girl with dark, curly hair was sitting at the desk beside mine. She, I would later learn, had been at the school since kindergarten, and was scarily good at maths: she certainly seemed totally organised and serene. She lent me a spare pencil, exercise book, eraser – maybe even a spare calculator. I remember noting, with pleasure and surprise, how nice all her stuff was.
Today, I still call this curly-haired person my best friend, even though we both have other friendships which are, in their own ways, equally close. But in friendship, perhaps, history is destiny. We have been friends so long – through years of physical separation ; through relationships and break-ups; through marriage and partnership; through childbirth and parenting – that I’ve come to feel our friendship is an immutable fact of my existence: I am alive, therefore she is my friend.
Virtuous friendships are those in which, for some reason unconnected to family obligation or personal advancement, both parties are deeply invested in the other’s happiness, success, and path through life. They feel deeply bonded to each other, and consistently and genuinely act in each other’s best interests. Aristotle didn’t call such partnerships “best-friendships”, but he did write that in such cases: “A friend is another self.
This synchronicity, moreover, remained after controlling for socioeconomic status, religion and ethnicity, and was so strong, researchers were able to train a computer algorithm to predict the strength of two people’s bond well above chance, based solely on their brain scans.become Dovey, meanwhile, found in Bell the way to address a subject – motherhood – that she was determined “never to write about. I had slammed that door closed, and then I met Eliza and everything changed.”is a testament to a friendship that began instantly, and was then vindicated by countless common details in their lives. This is another facet of close friendship that can make it feel fated.
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