Two minutes with Danny Katz: The naked truth about an unwanted gift

Q. As a birthday surprise, a friend’s husband painted a large and realistic nude portrait of her. She doesn’t want it in the lounge room to be seen by family and friends and it’s too big for the bedroom. Is the shed the only possible exhibition space?Just painting a regular, non-naked gift portrait is fraught with peril. My daughter once painted a picture of me when she was in kindy and I was a tiny, blob-like creature with three hairy eyes. It was deeply hurtful.

Of course, your friend’s husband didn’t mean this to be an embarrassing gift. He’s clearly a hopeless romantic who’s besotted with the sensual magnificence of his wife’s naked form – and wants to share her naked sensual magnificence with friends, parents, siblings, kids, tradies, cleaners and old Mrs Gaffnee from down the street who likes to pop round with a plate of her delicious orange poppyseed muffins.

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