Please, no more euphemisms. My mother died

I have come to dread these five words. Partly because of what they signify – that

I never say anything. I feel bad that it makes me feel bad. Some of my loveliest friends say it, and their equally lovely children, and I recognise with immense gratitude that it is spoken with nothing but kindness and care.I understand, too, the human instinct to avoid speaking directly of death, the superstitious compulsion to smooth over and skitter around its dreadful and inescapable void, even if you believe in an afterlife.

My mother hasn’t passed, or passed on, or gone to a better place. She is not lost; we know exactly where she is. Under a camellia bush.The Magic Faraway Tree, then helping with homework. He was 10 and she 78 when she first got cancer, two years ago; recovery was slow but she seemed to be improving. None of us had the slightest notion she would die so suddenly, when a different cancer stormed in from left field, taking her out within a week.

So she hasn’t passed, or passed on, or gone to a better place. She is not lost; we know exactly where she is. Under a camellia bush at the house she and Dad built and shared for more than 50 of their 60 years together. Where my sister and I grew up, and my son as a toddler drove his scooter madly up and down the hallway. Her ashes have joined those of her parents, scattered in the same spot.“I’m sorry for your loss.” I wince because I feel my mother wincing, too.

GoodWeekendMag Not many nurses use the word “passed “Generally we say has died peacefully.

GoodWeekendMag Everyone is different, but I didn’t mind it when people said “sorry for your loss” to me.

GoodWeekendMag If that works for your grief,good. Death is sad when we lose those we love . Having lost family over the years it is best to forgive people’s awkwardness as they mean well & what words are ever adequate?Often it’s strangers we console,like staff who have to deal with it daily

GoodWeekendMag 'Died' is OK. For many it's a time that is welcomed.

GoodWeekendMag In the raw state of grief we tend to live with emotions all over the shop, truth is it's unlikely any words will be appreciated. We just wish the person was alive and present.

GoodWeekendMag So pleased to read this. My dead (not late - she was a very punctual woman!) mother and I agree with every word.

GoodWeekendMag I actually didn’t mind ‘sorry for your loss’ from strangers and acquaintances when my mother died last year. It was something they could say without any awkwardness on both sides. I’d rather that than when people say too much JustSaying

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Please, no more euphemisms. My mother diedMy mother hasn’t passed, or passed on, or gone to a better place. She is not lost; we know exactly where she is. Under a camellia bush. Having lost my father only 5 weeks ago, these sort of conversations and messages of condolence have been had often. I think the phrases which hit me the hardest were “he’s in a better place” and “well he had a good innings”. Sorry, his innings was cut short and he should be here. I'm sorry I read this article. What a loss of time. Too right, she doesn't exist at all.
Source: theage - 🏆 8. / 77 Read more »

Please, no more euphemisms. My mother diedMy mother hasn’t passed, or passed on, or gone to a better place. She is not lost; we know exactly where she is. Under a camellia bush. Having lost my father only 5 weeks ago, these sort of conversations and messages of condolence have been had often. I think the phrases which hit me the hardest were “he’s in a better place” and “well he had a good innings”. Sorry, his innings was cut short and he should be here. I'm sorry I read this article. What a loss of time. Too right, she doesn't exist at all.
Source: theage - 🏆 8. / 77 Read more »

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Source: smh - 🏆 6. / 80 Read more »

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