Lights, cameras, Farage: Nige just couldn’t bear to be left out

had already given two press conferences in the previous week. Both times they had been given equal billing. Even though everyone but Dicky T knew who the real star was. On Monday all pretence had been pushed aside. Out came the op note. Nigel Farage was to make an “emergency election announcement”. Tice wasn’t even mentioned as an afterthought. Even though he was probably paying for the pleasure.

Moments later, Farage took to the stage. Lights, cameras, action. These are the moments he lives for. Right at the centre of things. He’d be lost without them. Imagine going to a pub and no one recognising him. The unbearable lightness of his being. Nige began by doing a reprise of the speech he had given at the same venue last week. The election was boring. Labour was going to win. He hated them. The Tories were useless. He hated them too. Most kids didn’t know what D-day was.

But Nige was in his happy place. All stardust and no responsibility. He’s quite happy to break anything, less keen to mend it. Happy to channel the disaffection with empty promises. He would be the official opposition in the next parliament. The biggest party in five years’ time. Yup, with Dicky as chancellor and David Bull as foreign secretary. The men in orange. Can’t see the problem. Though Rishi Sunak could. This was his worst nightmare.

Unbelievably, though, Badenoch is the favourite to replace Sunak as party leader after the election. There again, of late the Tories have had something of a love affair with psychologically damaged leaders: Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and Rish! himself. Mr Tetchy. The ultimate abusive, codependent relationship. So maybe Kemi will fit in just nicely. Though it will make a change to have a leader whose natural talent for winning over voters is to insult them.

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