I told a friend about my husband’s poor finances and now he secretly mocks him. What should I do?

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It’s a shame your friend has started making jokes like this, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But there’s a way to put a stop to this dynamic

I told a friend about my husband’s poor finances and now he secretly mocks him. What should I do?I confided in a friend that my husband doesn’t contribute much financially – barely at all given mental health issues. Now I think the friend disrespects my husband. He and my husband have had their own direct friendship for some time now, which is especially important for my husband as he moved to a new city and appreciates this friendship.

allowed to tell private things about our spouse to others. But it does risk making a strange kind of relationship with the confidante. It can end up feeling likeyour close relationship, the place where you tell the unvarnished truth, and the marriage is just the place you go home to.

So it’s a shame that your friend has started making jokes like this. Whether a given disclosure feels helpful or like betrayal depends a lot on how the other person responds. Their responses can help you process what you’re feeling. Or they can make it feel as if you’re in a secret making-fun-of-spouse club. Even if they come from a place of good humour or “lightening the mood”, it sounds as though these jokes are making it feel more like the latter.

 

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