I thought vaginismus would end my sex life – but it was just the beginning | Shiler Mahmoudi

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The pain of penetrative sex meant my partner and I had to explore other options, says journalist Shiler Mahmoudi

The pain of penetrative sex meant my partner and I exploring other options, and we found a new creativity in pleasure

In my case, I was referred for physiotherapy and taught how to use dilators to slowly stretch out my muscles in a bid to become comfortable with penetration again. But while I focused on treating the physical cause of my pain, I hadn’t noticed that my confidence and identity as a sexual being had been obliterated.

My partner and I experimented with mutual masturbation, erotic films, sex toys and other ways of giving and receiving pleasure to get our sex life back on track. I invested in lingerie that made me feel confident – and not just for the bedroom, but to be worn every day as a reminder to myself that I was sexy. I discovered the joy of using lubricant, and learned more about my own pleasure than ever before.

 

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