I’m constantly let down by friends – they never show a glimmer of interest in me | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

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I’m wondering if this centres around your mother’s death. Maybe you felt she was the only one who listened to you?

I used to have quite a lot of friends when I was younger, but for some reason I find friendships very difficult these days. I feel let down constantly. I feel I’m always there for other people and inquire about their lives, but never get anything in return. I have noticed that if I do not ask them questions, the conversation falls silent.

I saw a good friend of ours last week and told her that my partner and I are going through difficult times. She put her arm around me – but didn’t say or ask anything about it. I was stunned. When she was widowed we spent endless hours talking about her situation and other things going on in her life.

everyone has their issues and I perfectly understand the world does not revolve around me, but this seems incomprehensibleI just long for a glimmer of interest from anyone. When I do tell people things there is never any follow-up. I feel pathetic about all of this, but also really hurt. Most people can identify with some of what you say: we all have friends who can be self-centred and not ask questions. There is rarely a perfectly balanced friendship; we often “get back” from different people to whom we’ve given. However, given this is now happening with all your friends, I wonder if it might be worth looking at something that’s changed in you.

 

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