I lie to my kids and they lie to me. Some secrets need keeping

When my son was nearing the end of primary school, he admitted that he’d known for many years that Santa was, in fact, just his parents sneaking around on Christmas Eve, and that he’d kept the ruse going because he hoped it meant double the presents.

When he was little, my son would eat all the biscuits in the jar and then feign surprise when I asked about it. I always knew it was him, but he tried hard to make me think it was his sister, his dad or even the rat that lived in the backyard.As parents, we are masters at justifying why we should lie to our children. I know I have lied to exert control when I am afraid for them. We lecture on the dangers of alcohol, smoking and drugs like we’ve never dabbled in these things ourselves.

Sometimes we are uncomfortable about the idea of our children lying to us. It makes us worry, doubt their safety, suspect their motives. Then I remember all the times I lied to my parents, believing them to be so naive they couldn’t possibly see through my elaborate stories. I lied about where I was, about not having homework, aboutwhen really, I flushed it down the toilet.

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