‘How long do you think I have?’ I still dread the question, but owe my patients an honest answer | Ranjana Srivastava

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In my 20s, I lacked the clinical experience to answer this question confidently, and the life experience to understand why it is so vital

‘Life expectancy isn’t “just an estimate” but a pronouncement that shifts weddings and barmitzvahs.’ Picture posed by models.‘Life expectancy isn’t “just an estimate” but a pronouncement that shifts weddings and barmitzvahs.’ Picture posed by models.Last modified on Tue 16 Aug 2022 18.31 BSTThis is how the tears start rolling down his cheeks prompting his wife to squeeze his hand.

He asks why he dreams of a lavish meal but gags at the sight of one – I sympathise that this is what illness does. He asks if he will ever hike his favourite mountain again and I accept the question as reconciliation. Then, a hush before a wordless message crosses between the couple, as if to encourage, “Go ahead, you ask.”My room is windowless and featureless.

Conversations about death and dying are commonplace in oncology and I remind myself that I am no novice. Then why does every time still feel so raw and unsettling?A phone beeps and I step out to let him answer his son’s call which gives me a moment to reflect. But in the second half of my career, mortality and morbidity became part of my life. I found myself not only treating the “human condition” but also becoming a part of all that it entailed.

 

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