Add articles to your saved list and come back to them any time.My biggest regret in life is not being a mother. My second-biggest regret is not being a grandmother. The labels stay with you forever but rarely seem thought about by those who take the blessings of grandparenthood for granted. Joy in grandchildren can be shared, even invited and welcomed, but the profound sorrow of never having them yourself goes mostly unacknowledged, much less discussed.
Eager to read about the experiences of others, I searched for articles on the subject. All I found, however, were stories about the loss parents feel when their own children don’t reproduce. While this is no doubt painful, it is different from the double emptiness of those with neither children nor grandchildren.The grief at the heart of it all, of infertility, is unique and tough, in part because you’re grieving something abstract. There’s no individual to mourn, only the lack of one.
During your childbearing years, friends with children can be very supportive and understanding. Some, however, can be thoughtlessly hurtful. Unhelpful comments I’ve been subjected to include: “Ah you’re so lucky, you can do whatever you like whenever you choose”; “You get more sleep than me.
The emotions of infertility vary widely. There can be a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness and helplessness. Years of yearning and struggling are often accompanied by self-judgment and even hidden shame. Coping with invasive procedures and hormonal treatments can be exhausting. There’s often guilt from feeling frustrated, angry and a sense that it’s all so unjust.
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