Azeem Rafiq: ‘My dad said to me: “I’ve seen you cry with blood tears. Don’t back down.”’ Photograph: Jill Mead/The Guardian
But the personal consequences for Rafiq have been just as severe. Since the moment he stepped before the digital, culture, media and sport committee, he has faced relentless abuse, attacks and death threats. “My life changed over that hour and 45 minutes,” he says in his soft Barnsley accent. His new memoir, It’s Not Banter, It’s Racism,
“I still battle. I’ve struggled with my mental health, which I’ve been very open about for a very long time. And there’s days and weeks where it feels like, God, I just need a break, I need a hug.” He is making a living through public speaking engagements and consultancy work for the law firm that represented him in his legal cases.
Rafiq was born in Karachi in 1991. His memories of Pakistan are mostly cricket-related. “I just remember coming home every day in a complete and utter mess from throwing myself around, blood and dust all over me.” He first witnessed the violence in the city when he was about nine years old, and went to investigate the unusual sounds coming from the street behind his building.
His parents found their new life harder. Muhammad’s asylum seeker status meant he was unable to work. In the aftermath of 9/11 his long beard attracted attention and he was called “Bin Laden” in the street. One night the family called the police after bricks were thrown through their windows, and a decision was made to move back to Pakistan. The very next morning Rafiq received a letter telling him he had been picked to play in the Yorkshire Under-12s.
been a rock,” he says. “To move countries, away from her family, to give up everything … I just hope the next part of my life I can give her some peace.” His parents and siblings, who had assumed he was living his dream life as a cricketer, protested in solidarity with him outside the gates of the Headingley ground. “When I spoke out, my dad said to me in Urdu: ‘I’ve seen you cry with blood tears. Don’t back down.
The refusal to compromise that has been, until now, his greatest strength, may be reaching its limits. Some of his closest allies, people he respects, have spoken of the need to move him into a less adversarial position. He says he won’t be a cheerleader for a system he doesn’t believe in. “I’m still the problem from a cricket point of view and it works better for cricket to turn me into a problem … and you know what? It’s fine by me. I never started this off to be popular.
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