A moment that changed me: I saw my father in court – and knew I had to turn my life around

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Face to face with the man I had grown up hating, I realised what a pathetic figure he was. Suddenly I was free to focus on my own future

hen I was a child, and friends asked me what I would do if I ever met my dad, I always replied that if I had a gun I would shoot him. I was a young teen in a small east Yorkshire market town with, at best, minor connections to a burgeoning petty criminal underworld. Even if I had been able to get a gun, I would have been more likely to shoot off a finger in error than aim correctly at my absent father. It was an empty threat that clearly revealed a deep, simmering anger.

In court, in a crumpled suit, he had a hangdog look – lifeless, like a living courtroom sketch of himself Claiming to be penniless, he reeled off reasons why he didn’t pay anything. One valid excuse was because of a very hefty prison sentence he had served. He didn’t speak to me, look at me, or acknowledge my presence, so I still can’t truly say I met my dad, merely briefly encountered his tragic existence.

 

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