at 26. In the excerpt below, I share my experiences at Hamilton Middle School, a so-called “bad” school in my neighborhood that housed the county’s only pre-International Baccalaureate program.
She had heard Hamilton was a bad school, so she was puzzled to hear a person with means considering it. She inquired about the program and came back home with what she discovered. Shaleeka didn’t come with me. Tasha had found a small, conservative Baptist school for her to attend with our cousin, Donnell, Tasha’s godson and best friend’s son. I went off to attend Hamilton Middle School, alone.
The adjustment was rough. I didn’t feel I had much in common with the students in the IB program besides schoolwork, and I didn’t fit in yet with the students outside the program. I had never realized just how sheltered I had been. I was out of my depth, and lonely. In the classroom, the pattern of Lakeside continued. I clashed with many teachers, was often kicked out of class, and was almost even kicked out of the program for “disrespect”—all the while maintaining stellar grades. During this time I read Soledad Brother and the Autobiography of Malcolm X, seeking to make sense of my clashing experiences.
My default mode at Hamilton was nonchalance, like everything was fine, like everything was a joke and nothing was a big deal. Inside I was smoldering. Although I couldn’t yet articulate why I felt disrespected or unsafe in the classrooms, I was mouthy, I was passionate, and I loved a good argument against authority, especially if I felt like I was in the right.
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