Am I My Boyfriend's 'Beard'? Dealing With Outsiders' Assumptions

Relationships News

Am I My Boyfriend's 'Beard'? Dealing With Outsiders' Assumptions
LoveRelationshipAssumptions
  • 📰 Slate
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A woman grapples with the constant questioning from friends and family about her relationship, who assume her boyfriend is gay and she's his “beard.” She shares her struggles with self-doubt and feeling pressured to prove their love.

My boyfriend is what a ‘90s rom-com writer would call “a very pretty guy.” He’s got sharp, androgynous bone structure, big eyes, and long eyelashes, and even though he does a lot of manual labor, he’s more wiry than muscly. He was raised in a house of only women, and the combination of appearance and feminine mannerisms lead a lot of people to assume he’s gay. This included me when we first met, and he had to pursue me very explicitly for me to understand he was interested in women.

I’m polyamorous, and my current polycule is myself, another woman, and a man. We’ve been considering adding this new guy “Dave” to our home and the relationship. He seems nice and he’s certainly good-looking.

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