“What?” my 15-year-old says as he bounds happily back into the kitchen. His big brown eyes are innocent.“Just … look around,” I say, keeping my eyes on him. “Why do you think I called you in here?”This scenario plays out in similar fashion about half the time my son prepares food for himself. Or anytime he does anything that requires moving things around, really. I won’t tell him what it is that needs to be done. I just call him back into the room and invite him to figure it out for himself.
My son has never been one to automatically organize things, care how a space looks or whether it’s tidy, or think about a task once he’s moved past it. He often forgets to put tools away, whether it’s tools for cooking or literal tools. He has ADHD and his brain doesn’t automatically work that way.And that’s fine. I don’t expect perfection from my kids. My teenage son excels in other areas, and maybe organization and tidiness just aren’t his things. Whatever.
Most parents have figured out that we need to teach our kids how to do certain household tasks. But I think many of us, including myself until a couple of years ago, often neglect to teach the other component — the invisible labor of actually figuring out what needs to be done.
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