Marriage counsellors and therapists who spoke to TODAY said that the accessibility of online platforms has provided wider opportunities for people to engage in illicit affairs and have sex outside committed relationships — with most of these activities exposed only when the person is caught.with a 15-year-old girl he had met on Sugarbook. The dating site links up younger women, or “sugar babies”, with older men who are expected to pay for their companionship.
Mr Kirby Chua, a counselling psychologist and coordinator at Grace Counselling Centre, has a different view. “Because if they had an attuned love life, she might have seen the signs. I believe the couple had communications issues right from the beginning .”With dating apps and sites that market themselves as platforms that facilitate cheating, they normalise it as a lifestyle choice option.However, not all the cases that Mr Chua sees cross the “physical line”, where the parties meet up.
Appearing secretive with their phone, such as taking it to the bathroom, keeping it under the pillow and being wary of people touching their phoneActing distant or spaced out with spouse or familyMs Sophia Goh, principal counsellor and psychotherapist at Sofia Wellness Clinic, said that in general, anything that makes extramarital cheating more accessible will increase its frequency.
“With dating apps and sites that market themselves as platforms that facilitate cheating, they normalise it as a lifestyle choice option,” Dr Lee said.Mr Chua believes that the increase in such counselling cases that he has encountered in the past two years may partly stem from the loss of usual coping mechanisms that people had before the pandemic.
“That’s when they look outside their marriage. The infidelity is a presenting problem. If you look deeper, the marriage may already be on the rocks before the straying. In such cases, the couple must work on their marriage,” he added. “If you think about how we used to live, our community was larger and our needs were supported by a wider group of people. In modern-day relationships, however, there is an expectation for one person to be your best friend, lover, parental partner and more,” she explained.
When a person in a long-term relationship strays, Dr Lee said that it is more often a case of emotional neglect and baggage that makes reconnecting with their partner seemingly impossible, rather than the notion of seeking excitement.
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