I’m Never Having Children—Why Does That Make You So Upset?

. But I vividly remember the emotions I perceived coming off my mother in waves: surprise with an undercurrent of sadness and an overtone of what did I do as a parent to make you feel this way?

I also didn’t have a clue that being vocal and confident about this decision would elicit the critical feedback it has over the years. People I knew and people I didn’t know told me that I’d change my tune as I got older. No one trusts women to know their own bodies and minds.

Though I feel as strongly at 36 as I did at half that age, I’ve had to validate my stance through the years. I’ve had hard talks with family members who’ve said, “But you’d be such a good mother.” To which I respond: “I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t do something just because you’re good at it.” I’ve corrected relatives who’ve said, “Just wait ‘til you have your own!” while chasing a toddler around a living room.

Story continuesBut I also hope to be able to connect with those who opt for the path I’ve chosen, and to form a no-kid club. Despite knowing I’m in fantastic company in my decision — shout-out to my many child-free role models: Oprah, Terry Gross, Tracee Ellis Ross, Sonia Sotomayor, Sandra Oh, and Ellen Degeneres, just to name a handful — I don’t feel part of a community by taking this road, and it’s on me as much as anyone else to change that.

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