I said this while teary-eyed and clearly affected by woes relating to family and personal life, believing that by putting on a brave front, I was being a responsible friend.
I used to wonder what they were making a fuss about, but this week, I decided to tackle the issue head on by speaking to therapists about why I find it so difficult to express my honest feelings so vulnerably, even to the people I love most.Truth be told, this difficulty comes from a fear of offending people, which stems from having to accommodate to temperamental people close to me since early childhood.
Another manifestation of my people-pleasing ways was that I would over-extend myself. I would, for example, agree to help out in co-curricular activities at school but then fall short of my promises. Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director of The Relationship Room, said that generally, how comfortable an individual is with being open to another depends on a concept called “Differentiation of Self ”.
“For instance, ask yourself, 'If I continue to stay this way, holding my emotions and not sharing my frustration, what will happen to me and this relationship?'" To break this pattern, he advised taking ownership of one's thoughts and feelings by using “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when you speak to me in that tone”.
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