Adulting 101: As an eldest child, I grew up prioritising others' needs. Now I am learning to put myself first

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SINGAPORE — As the eldest sibling of four, I grew up accustomed to shouldering domestic responsibilities such as doing the household chores, taking care of my younger siblings and handling all administrative work. As I grew older, I took on more responsibilities, such as paying for all the household bills.

SINGAPORE — As the eldest of four siblings, I grew up accustomed to shouldering domestic responsibilities such as doing the household chores, taking care of my younger siblings and handling all administrative work. As I grew older, I took on more responsibilities, such as paying for all the household bills.

In these videos, women who are the eldest daughters in their families lament about their plight of having to take on the domestic, emotional, and sometimes economic responsibilities in the family. However, senior consultant at Raven Counselling and Consultancy Dr Praveen Nair said that terminology is not well-researched, and people should be wary about the use of such terms.

“There are many other factors that can also contribute to an individual’s development, such as their relationship between family members and the age difference between siblings,” said Ms Ng. For example, parentification in daughters may manifest as expectations of shouldering domestic chores from a young age, while sons are expected to be adept in household tasks that are traditionally seen as"masculine" or to financially provide for the family.

Agreeing, assistant professor Zheng Mu from the department of sociology and anthropology at the National University of Singapore said that parents in low-income families are more likely to rely on eldest children for domestic, or even financial support, due to economic limitations.To Prof Mu, parentification may lead to negative consequences for the child involved since they are subjected to greater burdens, both physically and mentally.

Another effect of parentification is that children grow up believing that their needs are secondary to others, she added. “This is especially if one is constantly reliving and revisiting events with an eye towards feeling angry and/or guilty, and especially vital if there is growing hostility towards caregivers,” he said.

Source: Education Headlines (educationheadlines.net)

 

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