Research suggests that couples who actively savor and appreciate positive experiences together report higher relationship satisfaction, confidence, and less conflict, highlighting the importance of mindful appreciation in fostering lasting relationships.
Savoring was associated with less conflict, higher satisfaction, and more confidence in the relationship. Decades of research on couples has identified many patterns that can help predict the odds of a couple standing the test of time, but there is always something new to learn.
Now, an additional factor has shown potential to be important: how much a couple is willing to pause and appreciate their shared experiences.which comes from research at The University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, included nearly 600 adults from the United States. Their average age was 39, and 85 percent were married, with 10 percent engaged and 4 percent in committed relationships that did not include engagement or, that measured how intentionally they and their partners jointly showed appreciation for positive experiences they had had together. This questionnaire was derived from the Savoring Beliefs Inventory, which measures the concept of savoring within individual experiences.Past research has indeed established that savoring is a practice that can improve the well-being of individuals. What is savoring? Savoring involves an intentional pause to enjoy and appreciate pleasurable moments. It can involve anticipating them, participating in them, or reminiscing about them—but it always means that you are fully engaging with them in a positive way. Savoring is a way of beingKnowing this, the University of Illinois research team sought to see whether its benefits could expand beyond the individual and affect the quality of the relationship itself. After assessing the savoring scores of the sample, participants were also asked how satisfied they felt with their spouse or significant other, how confident they were that their relationship would last, and how much conflict they experienced in communication. They also answered more general questions about theirIndeed, the individual levels of savoring appeared to apply to couples’ strengths within the relationship as well. Participants who reported higher levels of joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict with them, higher satisfaction in the relationship, and moreNotably, this protective effect of savoring was even more pronounced for couples who were experiencing higher stress. Of course, this is a correlational study, which can’t prove causation. It’s not unreasonable to consider that the causal direction goes at least partly the other way: Do couples with higher relationship satisfaction have an easier time savoring their pleasurable experiences and endorsing them? Might they have more positive experiences together in the first place, giving them more to be able to savor? That seems quite possible. It’s also noteworthy that since participants were enrolled in the study individually and their partners’ answers could not be assessed, their recollections of how often savoring happens may not be particularly objective. But perhaps even the subjective endorsement of savoring is important, not just the experience itself?That said, it’s clear that on a statistical level, savoring has a protective effect—and it’s certainly a behavior that is hard to imagine having a downside. So, the next time you’re feeling like a relationship needs a boost? Think about how you might pause together and lean in to a fun, plan an exciting experience, or remember a beautiful day you had together. It might just keep the good times going.Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist and speaker on the faculty of Georgetown University. She is the author ofSelf Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
Savoring Relationship Satisfaction Mindfulness Couple Dynamics Appreciation
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