The lasting impact of the first love

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“Heartbreak can make us feel like the most isolated person in the world, forcing us to look for an easy way out or search for cheap thrills just to forget.” | via philstarlife

My first love became a template for how I understood romance: it was exciting but also hostile and unhealthy. I unknowingly sought our highs and lows and his attributes in my future relationships.Having parents who tied the knot at the age of 23, I saw marriage as a rushing game. A lot of women do. It was frustrating at best, dangerous at worst. Being crafty, I assumed, I could carve out the perfect partner out of any person.

My personal growth as a single woman did not help me find a partner — being at the right place at the right time did — but it primed me to be better at being one. Instead of jumping right back into the dating pool, like I was so inclined to do, I spent most of 2018 making strides in my career, visiting new places, and joining dance classes with strangers. I discovered that I am extroverted but I listen well, I am just as strict as I am messy, and I have many quirks. Self-love rose in popularity that same year. Beyond bath bombs and drastic transformations, it’s being at peace with who you are. Finally, I had achieved that.At 23, I met Anton at work.

A girl will never forget the boy she shared plenty of firsts with, even if he isn’t her happy ending.

 

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