[OPINION] Discovering my gender fluidity

'[W]hy can’t I just call myself gay? If I was asexual but am gay now, why don’t I just say that instead of making it harder for everyone?'

Asexual people, or “aces,” do not necessarily practice celibacy or have little to no libido. And some may feel the need for sex when they find the specific person they want to do it with.Must ReadWhen kids my age, straight or gay, would tell me about their crushes, I didn’t understand why I didn’t have any myself, and this unsettling feeling kept me up at night. I knew deep in my heart that I harbored no interest to be with anyone, sexually or romantically.

But living life means discovering more things you never knew about yourself. When I embarked on the journey called college, that’s when I truly felt free, and having the freedom to live my authentic self meant expanding the horizons of my self-identity.Stepping into college as an asexual was liberating.

Ephraim, a blockmate in college who became one of my best friends, found out that he was gay in grade school, when he felt jealous that his male classmate was attracted to a female classmate. That’s the thing about being genderfluid; it’s not about jumping between genders just because we feel like it. It’s part of our development. It’s part of us.Gender fluidity is defined as changing one’s gender over time. Some, according to one health expert, might “feel that the changes in their identity are extreme, while others might feel that they’re arbitrary.

My asexuality is and will never be a scrap of my identity. It is an essential part of my gender development that I will never let go of. Because even if I am gay now, I refuse to give my asexuality up. By calling myself genderfluid, I am validating my asexuality as an essential part of my life.

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