[New School] Honor thyself: On ‘Turning Red’ and growing up an unica hija

We are not rich, but my mother made sure I grew up sheltered, protected, and loved. As an only girl and her only child, I understood where she was coming from. So in return, I built my world around her and carefully followed her moves.

I saw the red panda as the symbol of Mei’s coming of age and the changes that came with it. I have mixed feelings about my own coming of age, but I might’ve been wrong in considering my “turning red” as something terrible, when truly, I was just becoming my own person. I remember so many instances in my childhood that shaped me into the person I am today. As someone from a close-knit family, I felt responsible for bringing pride and honor to our home.

The expectations rose over the years, and I toiled to keep up. College was a different experience, though, as it was harder to impress and get good marks with the same efforts. My last memory of in-person school was a few days before the pandemic was declared in March 2020. An advertising pitch for one of our subjects didn’t get approved, and I remember going home, feeling down, and crying because I was disappointed in myself.

There was an inner confusion and a constant external pressure that, at one point, I saw love as a weakness. I began thinking that wanting someone was something to be embarrassed about. For a long time, I felt the need to be less showy about my feelings and affection for boys because I was taught it was wrong for girls to do that.

I also wasn’t allowed to spend my time as I pleased. I had to go straight home from school and spend weekends at home. Luckily, I had my extracurricular activities to keep me away. The downside? I was rarely allowed to go out if not for school-related activities. Even hanging out with my friends proved difficult because I wasn’t easily allowed to attend sleepovers or trips. It was even more challenging during dates.

Source: Education Headlines (educationheadlines.net)

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