Do you remember how you viewed kindness growing up? Everyone threw the term around with confidence, as if they knew what it totally meant. Audrey Hepburn. A core value of your Catholic school. Or even “Kill ‘Em With Kindness,” as in the Selena Gomez pop song. We never ran out of things to say. With this, we practically never ran out of reasons why we shouldn’t be kind. One thing’s for sure: it’s been more than a word.
Some of us might have said “yes” to a couple of things we later regretted: Drinking when not wanting to get drunk, just to earn friends. Accepting another task even if you haven’t slept for days, just so you won’t get frowned upon. Saying you’re okay when in fact you’re not, just to avoid being dubbed weak or attention-seeking. We say “yes” out of spite—so we wouldn’t be judged.
With kindness being defined as putting more premium on what others would say and feel over what we would say and feel, it has become an overrated term with an underrated purpose. The more we cage the purpose of kindness into that sphere alone, the more it feels discouraging to pursue that self-love mantra we talk so much about. While it is right to be kind to other people, we shouldn’t forget to include ourselves in the list of people to be kind to.
Do yourself a favor: Stop pleasing others at the expense of your own feelings. Getting along is one thing, and being controlled is another. It’s high time we normalize disagreement, and realizing that it doesn’t entirely mean “fight.” Also, disagreeing can sometimes mean we teach people new things, doesn’t it? Now, isn’t that kindness too?
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