As humans, we all want self-respect—and keeping that in mind might be the missing ingredient when you try to change someone’s mind

I’ve found that one of the deepest insights comes from the German philosopher Immanuel Kant, a focus of my research, who was born 300 years ago: April 22, 1724.

This moral duty to find truth in others’ mistakes is based on helping the other person “preserve his respect for his own understanding,” Kant claims. In other words, even when we encounter obviously false points of view, morality calls on us to help the person we’re talking to maintain their self-respect—to find something reasonable in their views.

As psychologists of persuasion have long recognized, a key factor in persuasion is attention, and people don’t attend to persuasive arguments when they have more pressing needs—especially hunger, sleep and safety. But less obvious needs can also make people unpersuadable. One that has received a lot of attention in recent decades is the need for social belonging.

In more philosophical terms: People have a need for self-respect. This can explain why, for instance, students sometimes blame low grades on bad luck and difficult material, but explain high grades in terms of their own ability and effort. Kant isn’t just talking about being humble or polite. He directs attention to a real need that people have—a need that persuaders have to recognize if they want to get a fair hearing.

So providing somebody with evidence that they should change their views can run headfirst into their need for self-respect—our human need to see ourselves as intelligent and good.PERSUASION, in other words, takes a lot of juggling: In addition to making strong persuasive arguments, a persuader also has to avoid threatening the other person’s need for self-respect. Actual juggling would be a lot easier if we could slow down the objects.

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