Thanksgiving is a farce. A wondrous, many-splendored, mysterious, and lovely farce, but a farce nonetheless.
And since it’s the season for gratefulness, I’ll tell you one major thing I’m grateful for: the food at every single other holiday besides Thanksgiving. Sometimes the truth hurts. And the truth is that every other major American holiday celebration has better food than Thanksgiving Day.
Let me add a quick preface here: Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday. It’s much less stressful than Christmas, it’s mostly about football, and it typically falls on a far more temperate day than any of the other winter holidays. I love Thanksgiving. It might be my favorite holiday. But that has nothing to do with the food.Let’s review the typical Thanksgiving spread, dish by dish.
Then there are mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes are the single best kind of simple carb. They make me look forward to one day being a toothless resident of an assisted-living facility. I basically spend Thanksgiving dinner rubbing mashed potatoes all over my face. But they aren’t really a Thanksgiving Day food! Sensible Americans eat mashed potatoes for a host of holidays, including Christmas and other holidays I can’t think of right now. Or on any day of the year.
Even holidays that don’t have particularly distinctive culinary traditions manage to outpace Thanksgiving. On Valentine’s Day of 2013, for example, I watchedby myself over a dinner of Russell Stover chocolate. The meal was as tasty and pleasant as it was memorable.
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