More Than A Magazine, A Movement
by the CDC that our infant mortality rate remains abysmal did not make even the tiniest of dents in the post-election news cycle, my thoughts pivoted from the patient’s I’ve lost as a doctor who cares for critically ill newborns to Miranda July’s blockbuster summer novel.
“That wasn’t going to be good enough to last me for the rest of my life. Even if this baby lived, I was going to need more reason than no reason,” writes July. As I read, I could not help but wonder how to help parents like this narrator, the same parents I care for daily, feel in real time that NICU stories are a mainstream part of comprehensive reproductive healthcare.
The terror I felt between screaming and sedation took years to abate. It lingered days later, when the obstetrician who performed my surgery told my husband he might experience traumatic memories from having witnessed my atypically bloody operation. . It lingered a week later, when I read my son’s medical record to understand what had happened to him.
Even when race is not a factor, women internalize patriarchal beliefs that we can control our own pregnancy outcomes. Instead of talking openly about sick babies’ resilience, many women feel shame that they couldn’t protect their children from unprotectable problems. Adrienne Rich observed, in her 1986 introduction to, “oppression can warp, undermine, turn us into haters of ourselves.
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