A reader’s ex — also roommate and just-friend — expected more support for his finalized divorce (from a different ex).
When I was away recently, he had the court date for finalizing his divorce. It had been an important event for us as a couple when we were dating, but not for me anymore after we broke up. I also knew he was hanging out with his buddies that day for support. I did, however, reach out to him the day before and after to wish him luck and see how things had gone.
I hadn’t realized contacting him both the day before and after was not enough. He said I clearly have a completely different definition of friend than he does.No, you’re doing your best rendition of an ex transitioning immediately to friend while trying to live in the same home. Merely being kind without bringing any new dysfunction to the party is an Olympic win.
But your getting involved with his enlightenment process is a nope. A crisp “Guess we do have different definitions. I’m sorry to hear you’re disappointed in mine” will suffice, plus a closed bedroom door and rush order on his new housing.· I’d argue the same thing even if you were still together: He’s allowed to feel what he feels; he’s not allowed to make you responsible for making him feel a specific way.I struggle with this as a general principle in relationships.
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