‘My girlfriend has worn me down and I feel she wants to shape me into her corporate partner’

It would be easy to make this break permanent if there were not so many really great things about your partner and this is what makes you consider staying in the hope that she will gain a sense of perspective and allow you to wholly be yourself.

However, you say she is trying to shape you into someone who will totally be in her world and be fully attached to her. This may be because she is full of insecurity and you are not, and perhaps this attracted you to her in the first place. You have a wild and unpredictable side to your nature that she cannot allow in herself but it both attracts and frightens her.

The difficulty is that she thinks that curtailing you will resolve her fears , but of course this is not true and inevitably this behaviour will only grow and increase with practise and time. You cannot do another person’s personal development for them, but you can provide them with opportunities and support to engage with their challenges. You have an opportunity now in that the job abroad and the future of the relationship is at stake.

It might be worthwhile for you to look at your own attraction to someone who has such a clear and strong path laid out for themselves. You could look at your own upbringing and see if there is any tendency towards rescuing others or indeed adopting the high moral ground. All of this will be useful to you in progressing this or future relationships. However, before you engage in this time of development, you may need to commit to fidelity so that the relationship stands a chance.

But, if this is going to be impossible, then end it cleanly now but do the work of self-examination so that you do not end up in a similar situation in the future.

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