Muireann O’Connell: If bodies came with a Facebook relationship status, mine would be ‘it’s complicated’

The longest relationship we’ll have in our lives is with our bodies. But this relationship can be a fraught one, with moments of love, hatred and shame.

David Puttnam – The Long Way Home review: Heart-warming exploration of an Englishman’s love affair with Ireland I’ve got better at looking after my body as I’ve aged. I’m trying to get more consistent with exercise but life can get in the way. My mother is an incredibly active woman. I realise now she has been living her life like she’s in a Blue Zone , and I’d like to be like that. You’re allowed Fox’s biscuits in the Blue Zone, right?I’m not someone who has ever said they are “body positive” – I’m just a fat person who happens to like themselves.

When I turned 30, I became a powerlifter. I think it was a little bit of a midlife crisis! The perception at the time was “strong is the new skinny”. That seemed like a more healthy approach, but it wasn’t. I was given one cheat meal a week. We were only short of snorting protein shakes! I changed to a stressful job, couldn’t get to the gym and put on weight in a short period of time.

Discussion around my body has been ongoing internally since I was young. Growing up, there were direct comments from adults about my weight. I was left out of sports, and there were also indirect things like family members on diets or who weren’t happy with their weight. It’s hard not to get a trickle-down effect from that.

I’ve noticed that no matter what the external trigger is, when I am feeling low in my life, struggling with my mental health or disappointment in creative or personal endeavours, the first thing I scrutinise is my weight. Even though these things have nothing to do with my weight, there’s a voice inside that says “if I weighed X amount less, that would have gone differently”. I know that’s not the case, yet it’s a default reaction.

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